I want to preface by breaking one of the rules of public speaking and say I am not very good at this writing thing. Yes, I know I am technically not speaking in public but writing in public is the same thing, no? I wasn't an English major in college and I don't have a burning desire to write the next Great American Novel. I do have a desire to connect with others on a wider and deeper level. I want to share my thoughts, opinions, ideas and see where I connect and diverge from other people. I have been inspired by a few blogs that I follow that write like they are journal writing or writing a letter to a friend about their day and thoughts. I am going to
follow that style but if I don't use correct punctuation, misuse a word,
or have a typo well that is just too bad so please be kind.
If you read my profile blurb it mentions I am a woman in transition. So many life changes have occurred in the last 11 months. It seemed as if life was piling on the worst of times and every time I tried to get a breath I would be pulled under by some new crisis to focus on. But yesterday was my birthday, yup I turned 39! I have one year left in my thirties and quite frankly I am looking forward to making this a great transition year. Last year in October my husband turned 40 and for his birthday he had a heart attack. Okay technically it was 16 days before he turned 40 but it was close enough. So we celebrated the fact that he was 40 and still alive. It was a long process of cardiac rehab, hospitals, doctors appointments, new medications, changing life styles, and of course it wouldn't be complete without complications. In a few weeks he will go in for his 1 year anniversary check up. We are so looking forward to a good report.
I wish the second crisis point from this last year could have "something to look forward to" but well it doesn't. It won't ever because when people you love die they don't come back. I guess you could say I look forward to being reunited on the otherside. But that is hopefully a long, long time from now. When my brother completed suicide Jan 10, 2013 it officially became the worst day of my life. We all die. I understand that piece and sometimes people we love die too soon. But I am still trying to process all the feelings generated from a death by suicide. I hope to work through some of those feelings here.
The final transition piece is that in 2005 I decided to stay home with my first child. This year my second and last child started school full time. It means that for the first time in almost 8 years I have the majority of my "work" day 8:30-3:00 free 5 days a week. Instead of planning play dates, trips to the zoo, and reading/playing with my kids I am focusing on myself. While I am using some of the time to run errands and clean it is also opening up new possibilities for self improvement and getting back into paid employment. I figure the blog will help me to document some of this journey. Since my memory is so bad it will be nice to look back and say "see I did do something that day".
Okay, now for the hard part. Hitting that darn publish button. Deep breath and here we go!
